Basketball Season

Volleyball and Football are over so now it is time to start Basketball! Thankfully Ryan is not the Coach. We will still be at the games but he is just in charge of running the clock. On Thursday we headed out to cheer on the Lady Bluejays and also lend a helping hand. I started out working the money desk with Lauren and Madison but then I was I needed in the concession stand. Tyler was running back and forth and in and out. He was itching to get a ball and start playing.

Towards the end of the last game I hear a whistle blow and I am thinking the game is over so I step out to see what is going on... the game is not over but a ball rolled on the court during the middle of a play. Guess who rolled that ball out on the court, Ty! Someone in the stands gave him a ball and I guess he accidentally rolled it on the court. The Ref called a time out and from what I hear Tyler had a penalty called on him..... I do not know the first thing about Basketball, I know Ryan did not marry me based on my knowledge of sports because I will be the first to admit that I am clueless in that area, but I am ok with that. Ryan kept his head down the whole time. For me sometimes laughter is needed. We will see if we will be invited back tomorrow night.

Thanksgiving and Prayer

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with JOY. Philippians 1:3-4

I love these two boys so much. My favorite time is right before bedtime when Ryan and Tyler have their special time together. Ryan was teaching Tyler how to use our new iPad. Tyler loves all the fun games.

Ryan went to a conference where he received a free iPad! I am very thankful for that, too. :)

Behind

Some days I wonder who I am? I know I'm not the same person I used to be. I feel like I'm always behind on everything. I used to be the person that would always get tasks done right away with anything and if someone asked me to do something or send something to them I would do it as soon as I got it, now I have emails of people reminding me to please send or do something that needs to be done. What? Some days I feel so overwhelmed by things that I just step back and tell myself I will do it later.... I do not have the memory I used to. One day I will remember to write everything down. Things will not always be so overwhelming and I will remember things or learn to write every little thing down. For now thank you for the reminders and please don't give up on me.
I wonder if I will ever be able to respond to all those facebook messages and thank you notes. However, the thank you notes are printed and they are beautiful and painful. It just hurts to look at them. I know it has been 3 months so please forgive me but I just have not had the strength to tackle that. My major task for this weekend and week ahead is to have them addressed and sent.
So many things have changed in my life but I am still me. There is a part of me missing but I am thankful for the change because with out it there never would have been a beautiful boy named Landry James.

Pride

Last Thursday (I know I am behind) was Westphalia's last football game. Tyler became a huge fan of football this fall. We went to almost every game but don't ask me what there record was because I do not know... I don't think I really watched that many of the games because I was usually playing football with Tyler or on the playground with him..... I do know they won their last game. Anytime we are at Ryan's school Ty thinks the rules the place.
At the last football game Ty was playing ball with some of the other little kids so I decided to get out my camera and take some pictures. During the time that I was taking pictures I realized how much passion Ryan has for his students. Ryan is the Superintendent but he takes on so many other jobs, like football. I just stood there taking pictures when all of the sudden this huge sense of pride came over over me and a sense of loneliness, too. (It is a good thing I had sun glasses on.....) I am so proud of Ryan and everything that he has accomplished this year. He has kept on going for the past 3 months and that truly amazes me. The love that he has for his job and his family is truly inspiring. The sense of loneliness was not having Landry.... I had envisioned Landry at all the games with us when I heard Ryan was going to Coach. It broke my heart that Landry was not apart of that big win, but I think to think that Ryan and his team played for Landry last Thursday! I know Landry is so proud of his Daddy just like Ty. Great year, Coach Steele and Coach Vaught!

Humbled

I am still in awe of this beautiful boy that I had the honor of carrying and bringing in to this world. Thank you God, for choosing me to be Landry's Mommy.

Landry's Letter

This letter was read at Landry's funeral on July 28th.



Dear Mommy,

It’s so hard to know what to say to you, Mommy. You, who knew me better than anyone else. You, who loved me more than anyone could. You, who kept me warm and nourished. You, whose dreams for me were beyond all others. We will always have a special relationship, you and me, and I know that I will always have a special place in your heart.

I guess I just want to say thank you. Thank you for carrying me and feeding me as I grew inside you. Thank you for loving me even when I was kicking you in your ribs. Thank you for praying for me even when I was giving you heartburn. Thank you for loving me through everything, and thank you for the time we shared when no one else could.

I also want to let you know that you did all you could do for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better Mommy, and I could never have known, even if I lived to be 100, a better person than you. You are love. You are hope. You are inspiration. You are kindness, goodness, faithfulness. You are warmth. You are protection. You are…Mommy.

Of course Mommy, I couldn’t be your child without asking you to do a few things for me now that I can’t. First of all, thank Daddy and be there for him—you and I both know that he’s a crier, so wipe his tears as he cries for me. I know he joked that he wanted me to have blue eyes, but Mommy, he whispered to me once when he was holding me that he loved my brown eyes that I got from you. I was his brown-eyed boy and he was so proud of me. He loved me more than you can know, so thank him for me, Mommy. Thank Tyler for being a great big brother. I know you were looking forward to the day that I could follow him around and be his shadow. I will still be following him around, you just won’t see me. And you know, you can tease him every now and then and tell him that it’s from me.

Thank Poppy for sitting with me in the NICU—as you know, he’s a crier too, so hug him every chance you get for me. He needs that, and you do too. Thank Ghee for the love she showed me and the time she spent holding me and helping set up my room. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to stay there, but I know it would have been perfect. Thank Papa for being there for me and let him know that I would have gone to Harding too, even though Daddy wanted me to go to ACU. Thank Nana for staying up and holding me all night long and thank her for the love she showed me. Thank all my aunts and uncles and cousins. Tell them I will miss playing with them, but thank them for being your wonderful family and for loving you and me. Thank all your Supper Club friends for what they did for me. I’m glad I was able to be at Tyler’s party in the hospital and that their tears for you meant the world to me. Thank all your friends for their love, support, and prayers. Tell them that I don’t need them anymore because I am in a better place, but ask them to keep praying for you and everyone who is sad at my passing. Finally, thank the nurses and doctors at the hospital. Though I was just one of many children there, I felt that I was the most important one, and they loved and lost just like you. Thank them for doing all they could.

Mommy, do not worry about me. I fought as long as I could, but as you know, God has other plans for me. God brought me into this world for you and simply called me back to a better place. I know our time together was too short, but know that 43 hours with you was the greatest blessing God could ever give me. We were connected in the womb, and I know that we will always be connected in your heart. Thank you for allowing me to be you “littlest”. I love you and thank you for being my Mommy.

I’ll love you forever. I’ll love you for always.

Sincerely,
Your littlest, Landry James


(Thank you, Ryan for loving me and our boys and being able to write such a beautiful letter that captured everything about our littlest. I love you)

Missing You

There is nothing special about today but the only thing I know is that I am missing you. I went for a walk while your Big Brother rode his bike along a beautiful walking trail this Morning. I saw God's beauty every where during that walk, but I was missing you and I longed to be pushing the double jogging stroller we bought in our anticipation of you.

Later this afternoon Tyler was outside playing ball with your Poppy and I wanted you to be there with them. I wanted Poppy to be holding you while Tyler threw the ball and ran the bases. I went to a meeting tonight and as I drove away I wanted you to be inside enjoying a fun boys night with your Daddy and Brother.

It does not take a special day to remember you or miss you. Your Mommy misses you and longs for you everyday. Thank you for being my littlest