My Heart Still Aches

Right now, I am sitting in our office listening to Tyler play with his trains (I love hearing him make up stories for his trains) and waiting for the sweet sound Georgia Kate makes when she awakes from her nap. I'm so thankful for Georgia Kate and all of the joy and laughter that she has brought into our lives in the short time she has been here.
Today while catching up on emails I found myself glancing at the pictures I have of our kids in the office trying to see the similarities in all their features, and then I find myself wondering what Landry would be doing/saying if he were here. I miss him so much. I find myself staring at his pictures all the time because I never want to forget one single detail about him. 19 months later I still long for our littlest. I knew I would even with Georgia Kate apart of our family. I know that one child does not replace another. Having another child doesn't stop the hurting, or the longing for Landry. There is no doubt that I am a lot happier now that Tyler and Landry's little sister is here. It took Georgia Kate to make me realize just how incredibly heavy my heart was most of the time last year. I truly was just going through the motions...... Today I feel my heart expanding daily with such intense love and devotion for Georgia Kate and Tyler. The feeling is incredible, and I pray daily to God to give us the opportunity to watch these precious children grow into beautiful individuals. However, all these feelings never ever replace the feeling of intense sadness I feel that one of my son's never got the chance to grow into a big person.
My heart is still continuing to heal, but everyday I strive to walk in HOPE that I will see our beautiful Landry again.