by Holly Steele

“It’s a boy!” were the words we heard for the second time on a beautiful March afternoon. I could see the huge smile on Ryan’s face without even looking at him. I am sure he was already day dreaming about all the sports they were going to be playing in the backyard and probably sizing up which of our boys would play pitcher or catcher. Those hope and dreams that my husband, Ryan had for our littlest never came true. However, words can’t explain how proud he was of Landry that he fought and held on as long as he did. He wanted to show him off to the world…. He just ran out of time.
When Ryan and I said I do on July 2, 2005 we never dreamed that we would have a baby that died. I had always heard that a death tears some couples apart and makes others stronger. I am so thankful for the lesson Landry taught us about love and life. Landry made us love stronger and taught us that life is precious so enjoy every moment you have together. I also know that I would not have been able to get through losing Landry without Ryan.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:7-8

Grieving was another cycle that we had to work through together, and it took me learning that we both grieve differently to understand how much the loss of my son hurt my husband. I really feel like the important thing to remember is, there is no certain way to grieve. We all do it differently, and you don’t need to get upset if your husband cries less. It doesn't mean that he does not love or miss your child. It is important that that you deal with it. Don’t run away from God during this time. I understand the pain and the anger and hurt, but you cannot do this on our own. Pray. Pray together. Pray for God’s help, for his wisdom, for Him to give you faith and hope.
As Father’s Day approaches please remember to love and thank your husband and thank them for being a wonderful Father. They love and miss your child just as much as you do, and they had hopes and dreams for your child just as you did.
I truly believe that it takes a very special person to be the Father of a precious child in Heaven. You are blessed.