Before The Morning ~ Josh Wilson

This week has been really hard and I just wish I could snap my fingers and make everything a little better. Once again I heard this song and it brought me some comfort.

Thursday Night Lights

The Coaches with their kids. What a sweet moment

We headed out to Westphalia to cheer on the Blue Jays! We were so excited about seeing Lauren and Madison. Of course Ty played on the playground during most of the most of the game but we were able to watch some of the game and listen to Ty cheer on the players. What a nice night for a football game.

Volleyball

Last night we headed to Westphalia to watch the Lady Blue Jays play volleyball. I have really taken Ty to a lot more games this year but to me being with Ryan makes everything a little better.

Calling All Superheros

Ty was invited to a Superhero party over the weekend. Ty has a pair a superman Pj's that have a cap so that is what Ty wore. I did not want to go out and buy anything since Ty wants to be Woody for Halloween. I loved seeing all the kids in their cute superhero gear. Ty had the best time playing that we were one of the last families to leave. I will admit Sunday was very hard for me but I knew that going to the party would be good for us and I wanted to go for Ty. Overall it was a great party. After the party we were surrounded by our amazing Supper Club friends so we laughed and talked way past all of our bed times, especially for a School night. Friends are a blessing that I will never take advantage of.

MercyMe - Bring The Rain

So times you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. I know that the Lord has our best interest at heart and he does not give us more than we can handle. God has given me a lot through the years that I did not think I would make it through but I did because of my faith and hope.

Two Months Ago

Landry James left us to be with our Heavenly Father. Thank you God for picking me to carry such a precious boy. I do hurt and cry out for Landry on a daily basis but I know our God is and will take care of us.

Two Months

Landry would have been two months old day. Landry's birth is still so vivid and it is something I will never forget. I am amazed how Landry was able touch so many life's in such a short amount of time. Landry is the most wonderful blessing and our life will never be the same because of what he brought to our family.

Every month we will release balloons up to heaven for Landry. We found that this is a wonderful way to involve Tyler and he really lights up every time he releases the balloons and just being able to see Ty's face light up brings me so much joy. We released on Wednesday night because that is the only night we would all be together as a family. My parents came with us so it was wonderful being able to share this special time with them. That also meant I had three shoulders to cry on and several loving arms around me. I will have to say that the most amazing part of the evening was when we were leaving we looked up in the sky and saw a huge rainbow over us and Landry. We were all speechless for a few moments because it felt like a true God moment and a true sign that God is taking care of us and will continue to take care of us. It was our rainbow after the storm.

Thank you so much Landry James for allowing me to carry you for nine months and hold you for 43 wonderful hours. You were only with us for such a short time but you will live in our hearts forever and I will see you again one day. I love you my littlest.

Last Weekend

Ty with his friends, Keifer and Hudson

Ryan with our Goddaughter, Zoe

These pictures were taken last weekend and I think they are post worthy.

This week was a busy but good week. Tomorrow marks Landry's two month Birthday, so I am dreading tomorrow but I know that God is going to hold our hearts tomorrow so we will make it through like we have made it through everything else the past two months.

It has been the worst two months of my life but we are making it through and we have been blessed by so many wonderful family members and friends. I know with time the pain will ease but my heart will always have an empty space and long to have Landry.

Tomorrow Morning after I drop off Ty I will spend the Morning with Landry and a dear friend that has touched my life and I will never be the same because of her. Thank you, Jen for your wonderful friendship and for allowing me to share my life with you. You are a true blessing.

Wordless Wednesday

Dove Hunting

Ryan really enjoys going dove hunting and tonight we turned it in to a fun family night out. This was our first time to go hunting with Ryan. Although, Ty spent the majority of the time in car. It was a beautiful night for a hunt.

Today was a good day. Ty kept telling me tonight while we were getting ready bed that he had a fun day. We had two fun play dates and we also got Ty's flu shot. We truly are blessed to be surrounded by so many special friends that help make our days a little better.

TENTH AVENUE NORTH--Hold my heart

I went to see Landry this Morning after I dropped off Ty and I found myself on my knees with my arms held high to God begging Him to hold my heart and bless us with more Children to hold on to and love. My heart aches to have Landry with us. Friday marks Landry's two month Birthday and I am not ready for that day to arrive because it just another month with out our littlest and a reminder of everything I am missing out on. We had so many hopes and dreams for Landry and our Family that were crushed right in front of us.

My tears fell on the dirt this Morning as I longed for God to hold my heart and show us the rainbow at the end of our storm. As soon as I got in my car I heard this song and the tears fell again. I will say I have found so many songs recently that speak to me. I surround my day with k Love.

I was thankful that God provided me with a fun Breakfast with 3 of the greatest women around. I just have to cling to the words of God and know he will heal our hearts and give us HOPE.

Saturdays

For some of you Saturday is a day you all look forward to. Not me. Saturdays have always been a little hard and days I dreaded mainly because Ryan is gone all day. I always envisioned Saturdays and the weekend as family time but once Ryan started his Doctorate that all changed. I am thrilled of all the opportunities Ryan will have once he finishes but Saturdays are just long and it is hard to get together with friends because for most them it is a family day.

Now Saturdays are double hard because Landry was born on a Saturday and he would have been 8 weeks old yesterday. I started getting depressed on Friday night thinking about Landry and how Ryan would be gone all day. Therefore, I went to bed and woke up depressed and really angry with my situation. Of course Ty sensed my mood so he was off and acted awful all day. We did have a Birthday party to attend yesterday afternoon so that was nice and Ty did fairly well. I was just thankful when Ty was asleep in bed. I just spent my evening relaxing on the sofa and of course I had a few friends texting me to check on me. Friends are always close by these days and I am so blessed to have them because I would not be able to get through a day with out them.

It breaks my heart to think that I have missed out on 8 wonderful weeks with Landry. I wonder what his smile would like? I am sure it would have melted my heart. I miss him so much.

No Good Very Bad

Day.
We had an off day today so I am just going to start over tomorrow.

Teddy Bear Picnic

Tyler got to bring his Teddy Bear, Max to school today. Max is a very special Bear to my family because he belonged to my Brother, Justin. Ty was so cute when we gave him Max yesterday Morning. He just loved on him and he also rocked him. The best part was when Ty asked Max if he wanted to go to school with him. Last night Ty even slept with Max and his puppy, Dooney last night. I have a feeling that Tyler's, Uncle Justin was so happy to see his Nephew with his Teddy Bear.
I was able to come up to the school at 11 am so I could take pictures. I am one of those Moms but I love it! Ty of course started crying when he saw me. What a little stinker... We danced to the Teddy Bear Picnic song and then enjoyed a picnic outside. I am so in love with Tyler's school. Tyler is doing so well so that makes me feel really good since I worry about him a lot these days. I just love my little boy so much and I don't want him to be sad. What a wonderful morning with Tyler and all his classmates.

Falls County Fair

I woke up Thursday Morning with a heavy heart. I was thankful when Ryan wanted me to bring Ty out to Westphalia so we could go to the Falls County Fair. I was really torn because I did not want to miss Bible Study but God blessed us with a wonderful family outing that we don't get to do that often anymore due to Ryan's schedule.
The majority of Ryan students were competing in the Fair and Ryan really wanted Ty to see all the animals and I am so thankful we went to Marlin to help cheer on all the Westphalia students because Tyler had a blast. He saw bunnies, pigs, goats, and cows. We ended our first Fair experience with a fun lunch.
We headed back to Temple for a little bit and then we went back to Westphalia to help get the Football players all ready for their first. My family means the world to me and I am so thankful that we were able to have a family day while Ryan was still having to work. I feel a sense a peace when we are all together. I still carry that empty feeling where ever I go but when we are all together it makes me feel a little better.

Brooklyn is a student at Westphalia and she loved hanging around Ty and telling him all about the animals. What a precious girl.

Go Team

We made it out to our 2ND Westphalia Football game this afternoon and we WON! I know the coaches were thrilled. Ty had a wonderful time playing football with me. After the game was over Ty ran out on the field to Ryan and said " Good Game, Daddy". I had a sense of peace around me all day so today was a good day.

Another

First. Tonight we faced another first as a family. Ryan and I attended a Couples Therapy group at the Ronald McDonald House. We were were surrounded by others who have lost children and we were all at different stages, but I think it was good for us. God also touched me in a big way this Morning when I really needed it, so today has been a blessed day. It started out really hard but God showed me his light several times through out the day.

Every night before I go to bed I check in on Ty and most nights I do it more than once a night, because when I see Tyler sleep I feel like I am looking at Landry. They really have a lot of the same features. Some nights I stare longer than others.....

Firsts

We have had to overcome several firsts the past month and a half. Coming home from the Hospital with out Landry, planning a viewing and a funeral, going in to Landry's room, first day of school for Ryan and Tyler, Landry's one month Birthday, Football games, play groups, and many more. Tonight I will face another first. My Junior League General Membership Meeting of the year. I had envisioned Ryan staying home with the boys tonight and me wondering how Ryan would handle being with both boys by himself. Well, now it is just Ryan and Ty......

Tonight will also be the first night that I have seen a lot of league women since Landry passed away. I am a little anxious and excited all at the same time. To all the amazing women that I will see tonight it is ok if you talk about Landry or even give me hug because just like any proud mother I will be happy to tell you about both of my precious boys.

We have received numerous love and support from this wonderful League I am blessed to be a part of. My best friend and fellow member, Christina has arranged all the meals that have been coming to our house and another one of my best friends, Pam arranged a Memorial for our Landry James (I will share more on that when I have the total amount raised). Our President of the League has brought so much laughter to my days and I always look forward to her calls or emails. My fellow Board Members made last Tuesday night wonderful and thank you for letting me cry when we talked about Landry's Memorial. Several members came to the viewing and funeral so I have never felt alone. Thank you JLBC for all you have done for my family and our community. I will continue to serve with honor and admiration. I know tonight will be another First that God will hold my hand through.