Anxious

Tomorrow is the day that I have been dreading for a while. I have my 6 week Doctor Appointment and it just does not seem right to me to be having this appointment since I don't have Landry.
You know at times It seems like I was never pregnant and especially now since I don't have those constant reminders.... the bleeding, my milk coming in..... I still have my maternity clothes in the closet that I see all the time but my body didn't have the opportunity to stop and rest. The day after Landry died we had his Memorial service and I standing the whole time, and I had just given birth 2 days before. I was going on long walks with Ryan that same week and it just did not feel like we had a baby because I never would have done that after Ty. It scares me that I feel that way....... Sometimes when I am out with just Ty I just want to shout out to everyone that I was pregnant 6 weeks ago, because strangers would never know that I was pregnant or had Landry since he is not with me now and I hate that more than anything because I want the whole world to know that I have another beautiful boy.
Our Doctor has been truly wonderful during this time and I know he was as shocked as we were when we found out that Landry was not going to make. He has called me several times to check on us and he called me this evening to reschedule my apt to 8am so I did not have to wait on him and we can take our time with him since we all have questions. I am thankful that the appointment was moved so Ryan can be there with me. Tomorrow is just another "first" that we have to face. This hurts!