Pain

The pain is still everywhere. I actually thought I was doing a little better but then today the pain came rushing back. Just when I feel like we are going to be ok and I can handle all of this then the memories come back and I feel so weak. My whole body just longs to have Landry with us. I would give anything to hear him gasping for breath.
Ryan's Parents came in to town yesterday and Ty loved playing with his cousin, Jacob. We went to to the Splash Pad and then had my parents came over for dinner. It felt wonderful to all be together again. It was nice to be in a room where people understand your pain.
This Morning Ryan and I were able to go to the grave site to plant Landry's flower. It was a beautiful Morning and I did take pictures so I will post those soon. I was quiet the rest of the day because I knew Nana and Papa would be leaving and it would just be us again. I was not ready for them to leave..... I called Ryan's Mom just as they left to see if she could stay for a few more days but she had to back for a Doctor's appointment. I completely understood. I just have to find a way to be strong, but I really love to be distracted. I need it some days. We will just have to find another time to have her back. I would love her company during the day.
Thankfully, we had plans this afternoon to swim and eat fajitas with a couple of friends. I loved being surrounded by a lot of good friends and kids. God knew what I would need this afternoon to get through the rest of the day. Ryan finally was able to go dove hunting so I was so excited for him, too! I also got to hold my precious Goddaughter. Sometimes I just don't want to let her go because It feels so good to hold a tiny baby. My prayer is that God chooses to bless us with more Children and that when the time is right my arms will be full again.