Our Pumpkin

This whole weekend my heart has been so heavy and my whole body aches to have Landry (our pumpkin) with us for Halloween. I have always loved Halloween until 3 months when my world was turned upside down. I know with time there will not be as much pain as we are filling now but for me right now, Holidays just hurt. We were supposed to go to a Halloween Party last night but I just could not bring myself to put on a costume and pretend that everything is ok when I am deeply hurting inside.
I found myself crying during church today as we were worshiping God. Some moments I just miss Landry so much and today was one of those moments. At the end the Service we sang Our God is Greater, by Chris Tomlin. If our God is with us than who could ever stop us from believing that our God who is Strong and Powerful will carry us through this journey we are on and will continue to bring peace to our hearts.
Our Halloween will be just like it has always been (just three of us) but our hearts know that there should be four us. Therefore, today I will live through Tyler and find joy in all the small things.... like carving a pumpkin with my precious family. Ryan suggested we carve a pumpkin this afternoon and I thought that sounded like a new family tradition that we will continue to carry on through the years. Well, that is if Ryan ever comes home with a pumpkin. He offered to go get one a while ago and he is still gone.....