21 Years

Thursday, December 9 marked 21 years in Heaven for my Older Brother, Justin. He was killed in a car accident when he was 15 years old and I was a 7th grader in Middle School. I still remember just like it was yesterday waking up to the sounds of my Mom screaming and Shouting and then hearing her echo the words, Justin is in Heaven..... my life stopped just like it did this year on July 24. Justin was a joy to be around and I looked up to him just like any little sister would do. What a wonderful a loving young man. I was blessed and still blessed to be Justin's little sister.
My parents were so amazing and strong during this time and I now find myself wondering if I am as strong as they were those days.... but then again I know they had to be strong and carry on for me just like what we are doing for Tyler. I also remember after the accident thinking that I had to be strong and make my parents happy so they would not hurt as much.
Time does not stop when you are hurting and life does and will go on. My heart grows lighter with each passing year but I still miss him everyday and wish that I was not a only child (That is why friends mean the world to me and I cherish all of my close girlfriends). I will say that my family felt more complete when Tyler Justin joined this world 3 years ago. My parents adore Ty and have so much love for their 1st Grandchild.
When we got the news that Landry was not going to make it I found myself praying that Justin would be there to welcome his littlest Nephew Home. I would tell Landry every chance that I got that God is going to take your pain away and welcome you Home with his loving arms and your Uncle Justin will be next in line to hold you forever. I have to cling to that truth. Plus, what a beautiful picture.
This year was really hard year for me. My body ached this year.... sometimes the pain seems so strong. December 9th 2010 was a long and draining day. It held Justin's 21 years in Heaven and my Dad had a small procedure at Scott and White (He is doing ok). I remember walking in to S&W the Morning of my Dad's procedure (thank you to my amazing Father In Law for coming in to town to watch Ty so I could be with my Mom all day) at the same entrance where I walked in waiting to have Landry and then walking out with out him. I kept praying for God to hold my hand all day. I am so Thankful to have such a Strong God that can handle it all. I found the waiting to be the worst and it truly reminded me of Landry as we would sit for hours waiting for news. Sitting in the conference room with my Mom waiting for the Doctor to come in and talk to us. I looked at my Mom saying this is just too hard and way too soon for me. My Dad will be ok and I am so thankful that God held me and my family that whole day and will continue to hold us.
All I can say is that I am so thankful and truly blessed. I have lost two of the most important Boys in my life but I am thankful to be a Little Sister and a Mom. Save a place for me Justin and Landry.
Justin Howard Vaughn... 1989. My Handsome Brother