Memories

Have you ever looked through your closest, and come across certain shirts, dresses, ect...... and certain memories have come to your mind, because you wore it for a particular occasion. I have several outfits like that, but they have never brought me to tears as when I put on one of my Maternity tops that I wore last Summer when I was pregnant with Landry. So many memories came flooding back but the one thought that stuck with me, was the last time I wore that shirt Landry was alive. I immediately took it off and put it away.... I just don't think I can wear those tops that I lived in when I was pregnant with Landry ever again. I was amazed at how fresh that pain was and how it stung so badly.
I was thankful my Mom got me a new swim suit this year, because she knew that I would not be able to put back on the suit I wore all last Summer, and seeing it in my draw always makes my heart drop.
I remember the first morning we were home after leaving the hospital with out Landry, and I was in our closet getting dressed and I immediately reached for some non maternity pants, and of course they would not button so the tears just started to flow. I think it is strange how I wanted to badly not to wear maternity.... I guess if I was not in maternity clothes I would not be reminded of all of those painful memories that were still so fresh.
Our closest has seen a lot of my tears this year, but no matter how much my heart hurts when I see all of the maternity clothes that I wore with Landry I can't help but to remind myself to be thankful for those clothes and memories because if it were not for them there would be no Tyler or Landry. I am also thankful for this new bump and miracle inside of me and I know that someday certain outfits I have will always remind me of our first daughter.