Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Not Just Me

On Monday afternoon I went to Landry's Grave Site to water and make sure everything looks ok. I am very OCD when it comes to Landry's site, I would go everyday if I could just to make sure that nothing is out of place, and my biggest pet peeve is when I find bird poop on his Marker, that really drives me nuts.
As I was getting out of car, my eyes immediately fall on a mound of fresh soil and flowers lying on top of the mound that are all dried up. My heart just breaks when I see that another baby has gone to Heaven. I made my way over to Landry, and I stopped to read the marker and say a prayer over this precious boy, and his family.
I am so thankful that my parent's graciously bought the plot right behind Landry, so we can have a special place to sit or stand and be in prayer while we are at the Cemetery. Thank you Mom and Dad, I never realized until this month how much that space means to me and my heart.
As I was leaving my eyes fell on another mound of fresh dirt, yes two babies have been buried since July 2 (the baby land area is very unorganized when it comes to marking plots). I find it troubling and hard to grasp that Landry was the first baby to be buried there since January of 2009, and as of today there have been 12 babies buried there in past 10 1/2 months. There is something really alarming about that picture. I also can't believe how naive and selfish I was when we first found out about Landry, because I thought I was the only one in the world that had to suffer the worst pain imaginable.
However, the past 10 1/2 months I have realized just how wrong I was and that this pain I feel has happened to so many families this year, I can't even calculate how many families are enduring the pain of loosing a baby, or have endured that pain over the years. Is it strange that I also find it comforting in knowing that I am not alone on this road?
No matter how often I hear or see that another baby went to Heaven all too soon, my heart breaks all over again.

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