Heavy Heart

My Morning started with a heavy heart. Ryan was up getting all ready for his first day and I noticed that he did not have his lucky boxers on (sorry if that is TMI). Ryan has a pair of boxers that he has always worn on important days: first day of school, TAKS testing, Wedding Day, Ty's birth, and Landry's birth. I asked Ryan yesterday if he was going to wear them this Morning but he was not sure, and when I woke up this Morning he did not have them on and I just started crying. The pain is still so real for me and it just hurts that every morning when I wake up it is another reminder that Landry is not with us. I walk by Landry's room every Morning when I go get Ty out of bed and my body wishes I could open up that door and go cuddle my littlest.
I sent Ryan off this Morning for his first day of School and then I got Ty ready for his second day of School. After I dropped Ty off I went to the grave site to be with my sweet Landry James and just kept thinking that this is not how it was supposed to be.