Water For Everyone

The other morning when I was getting out of the shower I noticed Ryan's tool box was open on our bathroom floor. I peak around the corner to see a naked little boy underneath Ryan's sink with some tools. I asked Tyler what he was doing, and he responded with "I am fixing our water so we can give water to lots of people". I just had to laugh because it was just so cute, but then I started wondering where he learned about the pipes under the sink and he even had the proper tool, I think.... Curious George!! We watch Curious every morning and there was a episode about water, pipes, and a plumber. I am guessing Ty felt like taking a break from being a Fire Fighter and decided to try his had at being a plumber.

Wordless Wednesday

Tyler sporting Poppy's new work shirts. I would give Tyler two thumbs up for this new look......

Landry's Rembrance Gallery # 6

A couple of days ago I received this message on my Facebook Wall. The message was from Cindy, Landry's NICU Nurse. Cindy was the Nurse who came and got Landry from our room when we started noticing signs that something was wrong, and she has remained a faithful friend and follower during this whole journey. I am so thankful for Cindy, and words will never be able to express my gratitude for the love, time, and devotion she gave to Landry and us that night when my "nightmare" was just beginning. The message I received: Hey... my girls have a "rock museum" on our back porch. They have been collecting tips from the neighbor kids...unknown to me. Sarah just came in and said Mom, "Ella Grace and me decided to donate the money to the NICU at the Children's Hospital for you and Baby Landry. We have 81 cents!!!" Made my day. Thanks for allowing Landry's life to touch so many. Cindy thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with me. Sarah and Ella Grace have such a big heart just like you and it is so beautiful to hear and see Children talk about about and remember our precious, Landry. I love the innocence of Children and I truly love when others find away to remember our littlest. That means so much to me and my heart. Thank you, Thank you!

Swimming... Already

We hit the pool (in-door) that is yesterday afternoon for some swimming. Tyler asked us first thing yesterday Morning if he could go swimming.... still not sure where that thought came from, but luckily we have a In Door Community Pool that we could go to. Tyler did really well, but was still very uneasy when we put him in his life vest to try and go by himself. I will defiantly try to take him a few more times before he starts Swim Lessons in June just to get him more comfortable. Overall we had a great time at the pool and can't wait for a Summer filled with swimming and splash pads.

8 Balloons

Today marks Landry's 8 months in Glory. It was a beautiful afternoon to send balloons up to Heaven for Landry. Our sweet, biggest led the prayer before the balloon release; Dear God, Thank you for Landry. He also thanked God for me, Daddy, and Ghee and Poppy, but I just loved the first part so much. I am so thankful that Tyler has come to enjoy our balloon releases, and it brings me great joy to know that we are involving Tyler as much as we do. Tyler is such a great Big Brother.
I felt at peace today and was thankful that Ryan was home all day with us. Sometimes family time is what my heart needs. However, tonight as I am typing this I am feeling a little Homesick for Heaven and Landry. Now is the time that I hold on to hope that I am going to see Landry again. I know that in Christ there is no good-bye and no end.

Psalsm 34:8
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge him.

I have endured hard times and even questioned why God chose us to endure such pain, but I have witnessed first hand the true Glory of our Lord.
The Lord has truly become my refuge during the past 8 months and I am so thankful for the Rain, because if that is what it takes for me to praise our gracious Heavenly Father who is holding our littlest at this moment, then Jesus bring the Rain.

A little Too Close To Home

I was making my way to Landry's grave site, yesterday to spend some time with him as yesterday, marked Landry's 8 months. We normally go as a family on the Month marker, but Ryan had a School Board Meeting last night which meant he would be working late. Therefore, we will do our family balloon release tomorrow, on Landry's 8 months in Glory.
As I was turning in to the Cemetery I noticed a huge line of cars parked close to Baby Land, and as I got closer I noticed a group of people standing over a tiny casket a few plots down from Landry. My heart immediately started to ache as we were in those couples shoes 8 months ago, and I know their pain all too well. I started lifting everyone up in prayer who was there burying a tiny blessing that went to heaven too soon.
I kept driving as it was not my place to stop and interfere at such a heartbreaking moment. On my way out I headed back the way where you can see Landry's plot from the street. As I was taking a glance at Landry's plot I spotted a young man turn away from the burial. He stepped back a few inches, and then he fell to his knees. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I am sure that young man was the Father. The pain that parents feel when burying a child is one that I can not fully explain, it is just heartbreaking. All of the emotions of burying Landry came rushing back to me at that moment and I felt so raw.
That moment and everything about seeing that funeral absolutely broke me. I have been thinking and praying about that family non stop, and as I later found out when I went back in the afternoon, that a precious little girl named, Kasey that lived for 84 minutes is now safe in the arms of Jesus.
Another point I should state is Landry was first baby since 2009 to be buried in Baby Land and since we buried Landry, July 28, 2010 there have 6 other babies buried in Baby Land. That seems a little alarming to me, and I wish I knew who these families were. Occasionally, there will be someone at the grave site at the same time as me, but I have never seen or met any of the parents that have recently had a child go to heaven.
My heart is broken for these families who live in our community that are walking the path of a parent that has a baby in Heaven. I pray that our Heavenly Father would wrap his arms around all the parents who have aching arms and long for a different story at times.

8 Months Filled With Hope

This song is truly a blessing to me at this moment.

I was reading Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. I love this book and can read and re read over and over. This story captured my heart and their journey is one of deep heart ache but they choose to see everything as Gods plan for their life and story. It is truly a beautiful testimony.
Last night as I was reading the words to a song written by Steven Curtis Chpman called "With Hope" tears immediately filled my eyes as I remembered 8 months ago today when my water broke and we were finally going to meet our second son, Landry James.
My plans, hopes, and dreams that I had for Landry were beginning, but we would find out a few hours after Landry blessed our lives that God had already chosen a place for him in Heaven. Hearing those words is not what we had planned for our littlest.
So thankful we were able to create memories with Landry for the 43 hours he was in our life. I knew his cry and I can still hear that cry today, I knew the sound of his breathing, and it was the most beautiful sound. We will never know his smile or laugh and we will never see him sitting up, crawling, or walking... all of those first milestones we will never see.
However, today as we remember our littlest we are filled with hope in knowing that we will see Landry again. We cry, ache, and let go of Landry with HOPE.

I will love you always and for ever my littlest.

Looking Forward To The End

My Wednesday Morning Bible Study started a new study today:
Putting On A Gentle And Quiet Spirit
By: Elizabeth George. The Study is based on 1 Peter.

1 Peter 1:3-9
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith -the salvation of your souls.

This verse has really stuck with me today as tomorrow is Landry's 8 month Birthday. The months seem to be going faster and faster for me.... not sure how I feel about that at times.
The verse above shouts out Gods faithfulness to the very end, and I love that God promises his Children that suffer great glory. What a beautiful thought that I find myself clinging to today.
As much as I wish that suffering was not a fact of life, it is and at some point we are all going to face trials and suffer. Over the past few months I have questioned this suffering but I have also experienced great joys in my trials and suffering. I have learned to look forward to the end and count on great glory afterwards.

Somedays

Since we missed the official First Day of Spring we decided to celebrate it yesterday. Thankful for a power outage in our neighborhood yesterday that lead us to get a Artic Rush from Dairy Queen. I have never been one to frequent DQ that often until I realized they have "Happy Hour" from 2-5 pm daily and all drinks are 79 cents!! I still love a Sonic Happy Hour, but DQ is a lot closer to us.
When we got home we spent the afternoon playing in the backyard and Tyler decided to be a fireman and but out fires in our backyard. Truly a beautiful afternoon for drinks and fires.

I wish our today was like our yesterday... Unfortunately our today was filled with a little boy that was testing the waters, time outs, spankings, and tears. I truly hate this part of my job but Tyler needs to learn what is right and wrong behavior.

The final fight was when we had to leave Kindermusik because Tyler was being very disruptive and crawling on the floor screaming. I just wanted to burst out in tears at the moment when I had to drag him out of class. Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

World Water Day

Today is World Water Day!
Please go to: http://www.holdenuganda.org/ to learn more about this amazing organization that is providing HOPE to so many around the world.

Spring

We survived our first Morning of back to work and back to school. Tyler was really excited about getting his uniform on and he rushed to get his back pack when it was time to head to the car. Once at school Tyler walked right in and never looked back. I was able to make it back to the gym, since I decided to take the week of Spring Break off. It felt so good but I have a feeling I will be a little sore tomorrow.
I was settling back into my Monday Morning routine and headed home after the gym to take care of some chores and housework, but when I opened the door to our house my heart sank as it was just me again. I walked in and went right to work with what needed to get accomplished and as I was walking through the living room a spotted a young Mom pushing a baby boy in a stroller and I immediately fell on the couch and wept out loud for what felt like hours. It still amazes me how grief can you hit you so hard at times. I never had the opportunity to put Landry in a car seat let alone a stroller.... as I sat with tears streaming down my face and a aching heart for our littlest I was hit with the reminder that God is close to the brokenhearted and he will not forsake me at this moment of aching arms to be pushing a stroller.
Tears and aching arms is all apart of the road I am traveling at this moment, but I do believe that the longer I walk on this journey of grief that there will be a day when my arms will once again be filled with a new hope and love. I cling to the fact that God has amazing plans for our future.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Change

I have been telling Ryan all week that we need to take Ty in to get his haircut and Ryan kept telling me that he could it... hmmm Ryan does not cut his own hair but he wants to cut/buzz Tyler's hair. I kept saying no but yesterday Morning I broke down and gave him the ok. Ryan got up so fast and headed for our bathroom to get his razor and he was outside with Tyler in no time. I did love seeing those two together like that, and Tyler looked so big sitting in his little chair. Tyler did really well with Ryan buzzing his hair away, but he has always done well at getting his hair cut. There were some spots like around his ears that Tyler was not a fan of but he never fused. The funny thing is he kept saying; Thank you, Daddy over and over.. it truly was priceless.
When it was all done and Tyler got up and he fell in to his Daddy and wrapped his arms around his next and said; Thank you, Daddy. Precious bald boy of ours. Well, he is not bald but it is a lot shorter than what I was wanting but I must say it is growing on me. I know it will grow back and it is a great look for Spring and Summer. I guess the part that I keep trying to remind myself of is that we saved $15 by letting Ryan cut his hair. Not too bad.....

Well, Spring Break is officially over and it is back to our weekly routine. We enjoyed our last full day with church and a fun outing of Frisbee Golf with some close friends that we had not seen in a while.

I have cherished our family time and being able to stay home and relax. I think our real test will be tomorrow Morning..... hopefully we can make it to work and school on time!

Zoo Trip

The weather has been absolutely amazing here the past few days so we decided to hit the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco yesterday Morning. We met up with two other families and all the boys had a blast. Thank you to the Lanham's and Kessler's for a fun Morning at the Zoo and a crazy lunch at Mcalister's.
Tyler was a little unsure at first but it did not take him long at all to warm up to all the Animals and he loved the Lions and Tigers. He also loved all the fun areas.. that might have been his favorite, too. The smile and laughter that filled Tyler's voice and face was priceless and truly a beautiful gift from God.
It was truly a wonderful time as a family. We are trying to soak up the next two days before it is back to reality on Monday. I think it is safe to say that this has been my favorite Spring Break to date and a week filled with so much peace. I think my heart was in need of this week. The crew: Jack, Luke, Noah, Andrew, and Tyler

My heart did ache for bit because I let my mind wander just a little. On the drive to Waco yesterday Morning I started reflecting on the last time we were at Zoo and it was last Spring Break when I pregnant with Landry. I was with a large group of girlfriends and we took a group picture of all the kids (I went back and the found post) together and I stated it is crazy to think we will adding another blessing to this bunch. So in a way our trip to the Zoo was another " first" our family had to tackle. I did find myself wondering what Landry would have thought of his first trip to the Zoo....

On a side note a sweet Women stopped me and asked me if I was Holly and I said yes, and she reaches over to give me a big hug as she tells me she reads my blog and prayers for us. I was touched by her sweet words... once again blown away by the kindness of strangers. When she walked away, Ryan looked at me and I started laughing and told him, I am famous... HA!

Thank you for reading my blog and reaching out to me in such a special way. So thankful for the beautiful and honest love of strangers. Gods love is faithful, abundant, and true.

Ty and Ghee Day

On Wednesday my Mom asked if she could spend the afternoon with Tyler, and of course Tyler was so excited. One of my Mom's close friends, Patti had her Grandson, Ryan in town and they wanted to get the boys together and play. They had a fun lunch at Chick Fil A and then headed to Lions Park for some Big Wheel riding and fun at the playgrounds. I love looking at the pictures and the big smile on their faces. My Mom said they had a blast and she loved every minute of her fun play date with her "Mr. Wonderful".

Taking a little rest....

What did Ryan and I do with a free afternoon? Well, I cleaned out some closets and Ryan did work on the computer. Sounds fun, I know.... but we were in need of some Spring Cleaning around the house.

Awards and Balloons

At the end of a successful race Scott and White held a Awards Ceremony. Jennifer Williams, Chair of the event for Scott and White contacted me a few weeks ago and wanted Landry's picture to be on the plaques this year since he was a big part of the event. I had tears in my eyes as I shared the news with Ryan and we chose a couple of favorite pictures and as you can tell they picked the most perfect and fitting picture for a beautiful and meaningful plaque.
Well, I was not expecting to be receiving two of the awards: Top Fundraiser and Top Fundraising Team. These beautiful plaques with Landry's feet are now at our house and I smile every time I see them. These beautiful gifts would not have been possible with out all of our participants and generous donations from others. I am still amazed by Landry, and the love that others have for us. Our lives truly have been touched and changed forever all because of ONE little boy. I know with time my heart will slowly heal but I will forever be changed because because of Landry, and I love that thought.
Another moment that took my breath away was when I saw tons of friends and family walking out of a van holding blue balloons..... 43 balloons to be correct. Kara Smith, a friend that came with Sarah arranged this balloon release for us because she knows how important that are to me. Let me start by saying that Kara is not from Temple and I had never met her until the day of the race (you will hear about her in a earlier post) arranged for balloons to be delivered to the race site and everyone was able to write a sweet note for Landry. On Sunday afternoon when Ryan I were talking about the race we both had tears in eye when we talked about the 43 balloons and the kindness of strangers. We were both amazed by the love that Kara displayed and what a big heart she has. Thank you Kara, for remembering how important balloons are to us and for arranging a beautiful moment that will live in my heart forever.
The whole weekend touched our hearts in so many amazing ways. Gods unending love is truly amazing and we will be forever grateful for his Love, Grace, and Mercy.

The only picture I got of our family.

One of my favorite pictures. The true love of a friend.

I guess I should mention that Ryan had class on Saturday at College Station but he told his professor about Landry and Ryan was able to get out of class so he could be with us on this amazing day. Thank you, Ryan. We love you.

Hope Is My Calling

God put this race on my heart and I am truly amazed at how it grew to became so abundant and full of Gods love and grace for us. Nearly 8 months ago God broke our hearts and we were left with a emptiness that we did not know what to do with, but from our broken hearts and the amazing love of a great God we have found the most amazing hope and joy and for that I am so thankful for my broken heart. As a Mom of a Hope Baby I will always search for ways to honor and remember our beautiful son that left our arms too quickly. I had several amazing moments the day of the race but one of them was when I saw my fellow Hope Mommy, Sarah from Snyder. I squealed when I saw her for the first time and we hugged for a long time. When you loose a child you feel very alone and afraid that no one will ever truly understand what we are going through. I feel a special bond with Sarah, because we both carried precious boys and had to give them to Jesus too soon. Landry and Holden with be best friends for Eternity. I love Sarah and her heart and I was beyond thrilled with spending a weekend with her and some of her amazing West Texas, friends.
We are still in awe of the outpouring of strangers that came to honor Landry and his Legacy. Sarah, had so many amazing friends that have read my blog and have been following our journey and were so touched by Landry that they drove to Temple so they could find some way to honor him. The love that these women showed was truly humbling and it made me want to challenge myself more when it comes to the love of strangers and going out of my way to show love to others in need. Thank you, Thank you, Kara (who brought her Mom; Karen, little girl; Jordan and precious baby boy; Jax, Leslie, Crystal, Charys, and Karli for truly being a blessing in my life and I am so honored to call you all my friends.
My blog will never be able to sum up everything about our amazing weekend but Gods love and faithfulness was everywhere and it was truly breathtaking.
My goal for Landry's Legacy was 43 participants and I was blessed with 103 participants! My fundraising goal for Landry's Legacy was $4300 and I was blessed with over $7,000 all donated to the new Children's Hospital at Scott and White. Trying to get a group picture. I wish I had all 103 participants in this shot.

Me, Pam, and Jen. Truly blessed by their friendship

Sarah, Me, Jen, and leslie (Leslie came in from Lubbock and even won 2nd in the 10k, for her age bracket

Amazing West Texas Girls!! Leslie, Sarah, Kara, Me, and CrystalSome of the greatest Women around. God has blessed me with so many special friends.

Me and Ryan with my Parents and my Aunt Mary Grace and Cousin, Lacie. Thank you for coming and remembering our precious Landry with us.

Ryan and I were so grateful to have his parents in town and two of Sisters with their families. Landry has a amazing family.

I truly wish I had more pictures of everyone. Next year I am going to find someone to just come and take pictures of our team.